I have wanted him near me or attached to me constantly because I know that he's our last baby. I know how fast a baby's first couple of years fly by, and I know how much I will miss it. It pains me to think about him not being a baby anymore (If you are now thinking that I should just go ahead and have another baby, please read my earlier blog Baby Fever), and the thought of weaning him from breastfeeding practically sends me into a panic attack. Try as I might, I cannot stop the clock. He's becoming his own little person, and I have to let him grow and explore the world, as much as I want him to stay close forever.
We moved to Japan a month ago. In that month, he has changed by leaps and bounds. He mimics his older brothers like crazy. He follows them around doing everything they do, from karate chopping to dance parties.
When we attempted to put him in a booster seat at the table, he refused until Jesse took the back off. He wanted his chair to look like his brothers (how does he know, and why does he care?) He "helps" me around the house by clearing his plate, attempting to clean up his toys, and loading the dishwasher. He can follow directions like "Take this to Sammy" or "Go find your coat," and he insists on putting his New Balance sneakers on first thing in the morning.
I have to admit, it is the cutest thing when he brings me those shoes, holds them up to me, and says "please." The way he idolizes his brothers puts the biggest smile on my face (and theirs as well!) I get a kick out of watching him grow, but at the same time, I know the days of mommy being #1 are numbered.
He's only nursing once or twice a day now, and I think that's more for my benefit than for his desire. Suddenly, my clingy baby who's insisted on sleeping on top of my chest for most of his life is sleeping in his crib by himself. He desperately wants to be one of the guys, and I'm afraid one of these days, he's not going to look back! Yesterday, when I wouldn't let him have something of his brother's that he wanted, he hit me on the head with a wooden train car and said, "Bad." What?! When did my sweet baby become a toddler?
I think that this nostalgia I have felt since the day he was born has really helped me be a better mother to both him and his brothers. I have found so much joy in watching him flourish, and I think that I have truly appreciated his baby-hood. As his days as a baby are swiftly coming to an end, I appreciate the sweet baby-ness of him even more. That doesn't mean I love him more than my other two, please note! I just haven't always been looking ahead to the next milestone or desperately wishing he'd sleep all night or concerned with his schedule. When he wakes up from a nap and wants me to hold him, I do. I sit and pet his little head and fill up with love when he kisses me and pets me back, without timing how long his nap was or worrying that it was in the car instead of his crib. That attitude has carried over to my parenting outlook in general. I try to hug and kiss them all more, as long as they'll let me. Now my goal is to find a balance between holding them close and smothering them with helicopter parenting!
