Can I put this on my Resume?

My Bosses

This spring my oldest son will turn five.  That means I've been unemployed for five years.  I joke that I'm on an indefinite sabbatical.  Sometimes I even like to say I'm retired, although that implies I lead a life of leisure.

I used to daydream about not working back before I had children.  I never really liked getting up and going into work every morning.  It was such a drag.  The thought of hanging out in PJ's, drinking coffee, taking naps, and watching soap operas for the rest of my life was so appealing.  I even secretly hoped we could space out our baby-timing so that I could stay home for longer. HAHAHA.  I hope all you stay-at-home moms out there are laughing at me right now.

Even though that's NOT what my life is like as a stay-at-home mom, I still love my job.  Sometimes, however, it gets tedious, even monotonous.  I then have a grass-is-greener moment and fantasize about working (never would have predicted that!).  For a fleeting second, I long for the day that my kids are a little older and I go out and get a job, one that involves other grown-ups and wearing cute outfits that require dry cleaning and going on business lunches.  Then I am consumed with terror that when that day comes for me to return to the workforce, a prospective employer will see me as a lazy sack who's been unemployed for a decade, not as a woman who chose to stay home to raise babies.

My current bosses are pretty cute and pay me with sloppy kisses and rocks picked up from parking lots, but they would definitely have their drawbacks if I tried to use them as a reference.  They can't read or write, so a letter of recommendation is out of the question.  They don't care that I used to be smart and once graduated with highest honors from a university.  If you ask my four year old what Mommy's job is, he says "You make dinner and milk the baby."  Basically, they're no help at all.

So since I can't rely on my kids to help get me a job someday, I'm polishing up my resume to make my mommy skills seem more marketable.  After all, I don't think an employer will find my obsession with birth or my "eau de spit up" perfume very worthwhile qualities.  Here's a sampling of what I'll include.



Education

B.S. in Domestic Engineering from Motherhood University, 2006

Professional Experience
Chief of Operations, McFadden Industries, 2006-present


Skills


Waste Management

• Earned the distinction of changing over 10,000 diapers, many of them poopy.  
• Proven proficiency at changing diaper blow-outs with minimal damage to baby, clothing, and furniture.  
• The ability to wipe multiple butts while simultaneously talking on the phone, checking Facebook, and playing Candyland shows outstanding multi-tasking skills.

Logistics Expert 

• Successfully kept three children alive through such precarious and complicated scenarios such as navigating school parking lots, karate classes, grocery super centers, theme park lines, cross-country airline flights, trips to the park, and crossing the street.

Research and Development

• Grew a human being on three separate occasions 
• After extensive analysis and research, implemented numerous, varied courses of action to get baby to sleep longer than two hours at a time
• Spent countless hours on Google researching preschools, developmentally appropriate toys, and various childhood ailments

Mediator

• Extensive on-the-job-training in conflict/resolution
• Tirelessly worked to create a peaceful work environment

Other responsibilities included but were not limited to: education facilitator, financial services, culinary arts, recreation supervisor, transportation coordinator, and boo-boo kisser.


What do you think?  What has been your experience?  How do employers view a 10 year gap in employment history?


If you're a stay-at-home mom looking to return to the workforce soon, the web is full of helpful resources.  I've learned that an absence from work because you were home raising babies is much more favorable than a decade away from work for other reasons (because you were in prison, for instance!).  And you really can include your mommy skills on your return-to-work resume.  You just have to get the wording right!  For tips, tricks, and articles, check out:

Moms Back To Work
Resume-help.org
How to Document Stay-at-home-Mom Experience
How Stay-at-Home Moms Can Get back to Work
Returning to Work After Years at Home
O*NET