Caleb at 5 weeks

A quiet but hiccup-ing Caleb in the bath...

Three Weeks with Three Boys...

It's hard to believe, but Caleb is three weeks old already!

I thought I'd write an update about how we're adjusting to life as a party of five.  So far, it's been great.  I'm almost afraid to type those words because I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Yes, I'm covered in a combination of spit up, breastmilk, and baby poop for most of the day.  I have a toddler who decided that the week before his little brother was born was a great time to potty train himself (still working on that!), and my four year old thinks he knows everything all of a sudden.  However, all of that is eclipsed by the happiness I've felt for the last few weeks.  Maybe it's the oxytocin high I get from breastfeeding every two hours or the fact that I'm ingesting caffeine for the first time in nine months.  Maybe it's baby mania that will subside when the exhaustion sinks in a few weeks from now.  Maybe it's just sheer denial; but so far, I have no complaints about our life with three boys.  Instead, I feel incredibly blessed and blissed-out for most of my days. 

People keep coming up to me and saying things like, "You deserve a special prize for mothering three boys" or "I don't know how you do it."  To be honest, adjusting to life with three kids has been a breeze - SO much easier than our other transitions.  Check back with me in a few months and I may no longer agree; but, for now, it's been easy.  I wish I could take the knowledge and experience I have now and go back in time to when I had just one baby.  If I could somehow go back and re-live those first days as a parent without the stress and anxiety it would have been such an enjoyable experience.  Because, to be honest, joy was absent a lot in my early parenting days.  Instead, I had a lot of anxiety about what to do with a baby all day and night - making sure he was on a schedule, making sure I was doing everything I was "supposed" to be doing, etc.  I have a lot more keeping me busy these days, but it seems much more manageable and I'm definitely happier.

Here's what I think is different:

First, I am keeping my expectations low.  I have no hope of sleeping through the night or looking great for the next few months.  I think that this is a mental outlook that really helps me.  When our first son was born, I was super concerned with getting him to sleep all night so I could have my sleep, too!  It was a really frustrating first few months because I was so darned tired all the time, hoping every night would be the night he would decide to sleep until morning. For now, five hours of broken sleep is a good night and enough to get me through the next day.  And I know I'm going to have a little post-baby pooch until I get back into my regular exercise routine and work it off.  I accept the fact that getting ready to leave the house might take two hours with potty trips, diaper changes, etc., and I plan accordingly.  If my kids end up watching TV for an entire morning, I don't beat myself up over it.  I am keeping my cool and my sanity by buying myself time for a shower or an extra nursing session.  Keeping expectations low also keeps my stress level low.

I am also embracing the fact that I'm a veteran parent now, and with experience comes confidence.  I'm already in "mom mode."  I trust my abilities as a parent and my baby's abilities to stay alive.  This sounds a little crazy, but like a lot of first-time parents, I was very concerned that our first son wasn't eating enough, pooping enough, or remembering how to breathe if he was out of my sight for a few minutes.  I'd have to check on him A LOT when he was in his crib, and I'd panic if I couldn't hear him moving around while facing backwards in the car.  I now trust that we both know what we're doing.  I remind myself of this fact with little pep talks in my head (I already mentioned that I know it's crazy, right?).  I can nurse one-handed.  I can take three kids to Target and not have a panic attack.  I can change diaper explosions and calm a gassy baby.  It's okay if the baby cries for a few minutes while I'm dealing with a toddler's meltdown.  It's okay to trust my four year old to brush his own teeth without me checking once in awhile. I can really handle anything thrown my way, because I've been doing this mothering thing for a long time now! 

Finally, I know that this is my last chance to savor the sweetness of a newborn baby in our house.  With our first son, I was constantly looking ahead to the next milestone so things would be easier.  With Caleb, I'm trying to appreciate and enjoy the present.  I wish I could keep him this little forever!  I know how fleeting this time is, so I'm trying to soak up every moment.  I want to remember every detail of these days that someday will be a distant memory, so why waste time being anxious or worrying that I'm doing everything right?  I'd rather enjoy these days with my little boys while they're all still little.