Air-kisses and a Shamrock

Off to school!

Sammy's first day of school 2010

Sammy started his new school year today - finally!  He had a new classroom with a new teacher, which was a little unexpected.  He was expecting to have the teacher he had for summer school but was instead assigned one he'd never met before.  At open house on Saturday, he was understandably a little nervous about this change.  He stuck pretty close to me, and although he's always a little reserved in new situations, he's usually still inquisitive and chatty (this is an understatement if you know my Sammy).  I have to make a disclaimer here on his behalf.  The kid has been through a lot already since we've moved here seven months ago - a new school with two different teachers and two different rooms, a new home, two deployments, surgery on his belly button, and another pesky baby brother on the way to name a few changes. 

Needless to say, I was nervous about dropping him off today.  My poor baby was having a bit of a rough day.  We dropped Jesse off at his ship very early this morning for another "work trip" as Sammy calls them - just two weeks this time, but enough to have an impact on Sammy's little psyche.   Throughout the morning, he was coming up with excuses to stay home. He said he was tired, and wasn't sure if he wanted to go to school after all.  Maybe he'd just take the day off, since he had to wear sneakers, and he really felt like wearing Crocs.  He could just stay home and play with Gabriel instead of going to school.  

I was so worried that his anxiety would get the best of him, and he'd have a major meltdown.  I should have known better.  Sammy was ready and back in action when we got to school.  He hung his backpack up and walked into the room like he owned the place, introducing himself to his classmates, insisting to the teacher that he could write his own name on the sign-in sheet and letting her know that his favorite color was green, so he was glad she had a green marker for him to use.  He plopped himself down at a center and didn't even look back at me to say goodbye.  I called across the room to him, "Sammy, we're leaving.  Can I give you a kiss"?  He sighed and replied with an attitude that I could "air-kiss" him from where I was, and he'd see me later.

I left, and on the way home I cried tears that only a crazy, hormonal, pregnant mother like myself can cry.  Gabriel was crying in his car seat because he didn't want to leave Sammy, which only made matters worse.  I was so happy that Sammy seemed comfortable in his new room, and that he's so adaptable, but it made me so sad to see my little baby so grown up and independent.  He didn't even care that I was gone!   Was this only the beginning of him not wanting me around?  Would he be asking me to drop him off at the corner tomorrow instead of walking him into school?  He wouldn't even let me kiss him!  I felt rejected, and a little desperate.  It was like I almost wanted him to have a hard time with getting dropped off, just so I could be there to comfort him.  How insane is that?!  Seriously, pregnancy and motherhood have made me crazy.  I should be patting myself on the back and being grateful for having such a confident, secure little boy, not blubbering like an irrational idiot!

When I picked Sammy up after school, my mothering self-esteem was redeemed.  He ran up to me with a giant hug and immediately had to show me a tiny piece of confetti shaped like a shamrock taped to his shirt.  It was a treasure he'd found for me on the playground.  He wanted to bring it home to give to me, and his teacher taped it to his shirt so it wouldn't get lost.  We went to Chik-fil-A to celebrate his great first day, and he insisted on sitting right next to me in the booth.  I guess he still needs me after all.  I'll take it for as long as I can get it.