Holy S***, we're about to have three kids

This is my third pregnancy. By now, you would think I'd be a seasoned veteran at the emotional preparation that goes into having a baby. Think again. There has come a time in each of my pregnancies that reality hits, a moment that makes me realize I actually have a real, live person growing and moving inside of me that is eventually going to come out into the world and require decades of love and care and responsibility. This moment isn't really one of panic, but it's definitely surprising (what the heck did I think was moving and shaking in there all this time anyway?) and it makes me think about what life will be like after the arrival of our newest addition. I spend a lot of time during pregnancy thinking about labor and birth (who doesn't??), but I tend to just glaze over what comes after we go home from the hospital.

That moment hit me this time around in the grocery store the other day. I picked up a carton of milk that doesn't expire until November. Granted, it's the ultra-pasteurized organic kind, so it doesn't expire for a really long time, but I had this realization that the same container of milk could theoretically still be in our fridge when the new baby arrives. At first I laughed at the thought. With two little boys, that milk doesn't have a chance of lasting two whole days much less two months. Then I stopped and for whatever reason thought, "Holy shit, we're about to have three kids."

I have a whole new set of worries with that comes with mothering three boys. When I was pregnant with our second son, Gabriel, I was worried about loving two children. Our first son, Sammy, was my entire universe. How could I possibly love another child that much. AND, if I did manage to find room in my heart for twice that amount of love, then how would Sammy feel? Would he feel like he was thrown to the curb? Was I about to ruin him? I now know that there is certainly enough love to go around. What's even more special is how much Sammy and Gabriel love each other. We've had our moments, but I don't worry about how this baby will fit into our family. I know there's plenty of room in our hearts for loving him. I know it will be an adjustment to divide my time among three kids instead of two, but since I've done it before, I know it can be done. I also know I don't have to divide my heart - it somehow just grows bigger.

I'm more worried this time around about the logistics of having all these children. We've already upsized a vehicle (hello, minivan mama!), but we are definitely going to be a more cramped in our already-cramped townhouse. We have a lot of stairs and zero yard. I wonder about how I'll get three kids in and out of the house and car, how I'll get them all to sleep at (hopefully) the same time, how I'll get all of my housekeeping chores done (that I'm not exactly stellar at to begin with), how I'll fit all of them plus groceries in a shopping cart, and what exactly I'll do with them all day, EVERY day. When we go out as a family now, it's man-on-man defense. We can each take a kid. What will we do when there are three of them and two of us (or often times, just me!)?? How will this child survive infancy with two older brothers whose favorite pastime is wrestling?? What if I have to fly somewhere with all three kids by myself??

All of these thoughts zoomed through my head in the time it took me to put that darned milk in the shopping cart. I was brought back to reality by my two boys fighting over who had control of which steering wheel in their little rocket ship shopping cart, and I realized, this is life. We'll figure it out. We've grown as a family before, and we survived that transition. I'll probably go crazy in the next few years (if I haven't already), I might have less brain cells and more grey hair, but I'm sure we'll have lots of laughs and slobbery kisses along the way, too. I'll keep you posted.